Temporary Bliss

do you notice how  it takes almost all of you to build your happiness  bit by bit  every minute of every day every day of every week  to feel as content as you are today  to feel happy on your own  nothing's wrong,  no one's hurting you  and yet you go in search  of that one thing you know  will and you feel that familiar  pang in your chest  but you continue to look and at this point you've somehow managed to make yourself unhappy again  thoughts, feelings & shit  you know it was your fault  you wanted to know  and sometimes  just sometimes  ignorance is bliss  here's to another starless sky  here's to another sleepless night  the thunderstorm, your old friend  that playlist, familiarly playing in the background  and as you sit at the edge of your desk, facing out the window with your favourite view, that very silence at 3/4am ...

  here is a vow to myself   as i sit here staring at the pale moon  eyes as sunken as ever  hurting as always  i promise to never  let myself get hurt by another  and to never put myself  after the ones who don't bother  to put my happiness and needs first  because i deserve all of the above  i gotta learn to focus on what matters  to make it big, without a shoulder  this time, it won't come as a shock i would expect for the outcome  and i'd know better  it wouldn't hurt as much  but i'll stay on my path  putting myself first.  prioritising myself.  i will not fake my happiness to make you happy  that's the thing about caring too much  you push it all out  until you have no more  nothing  this time tho, i'm giving it all to me