Temporary Bliss

  your work is depressing do you write about yourself or a boy of a girl? cause that's okay too  do you feel the things you write are you okay? do you need help? talk to someone  euphoria  is where i'm at  where i was  i've always felt enough   until recently

  i'm tired now   crouching in a corner  knees in my hands  swollen eyes i can't see  i'm done  putting up this facade of who you think i am i can't pretend anymore  i've had enough  living for you  for all of you  mental exhaustion  i don't have a person  not anymore  i'm tired  i'm done  it breaks me each time i no longer have enough

slow-moving you in flashes the wind blowing i'm starting to think this unsettling thing that's been tearing you apart depriving you of stability  is not a new friend

how does one see another? a human?  entitled to their own thoughts and rights of life don't you find it impossible to sit still and stay quiet does it not press on your chest when you don't say a word how does one hurt another? a person,  who means the world to another and is someone's mother is it not a matter  of extreme importance when humans start to harm each other and the higher power does not bother? how do you stand tall and strong unfazed by the disgusts that go on in the world your loved ones live in its not okay to be okay when humanity is falling apart when all faith is lost

my mind  a quicksand of sorts can’t help but wonder how do you love oh so greatly only to be  oh so miserable  to drown or to swim forgive my honesty envious  i writhe  how does one endure agony words simply do not suffice i strive to make it a projection  plausibly painless adorn tossed swiftly  it’s as if we never saw this coming 

green bomber jacket you make your way  through the crowd wide smile plastered  on your well chiseled face  it's like in the movies where music plays in the background you hair suddenly  coordinating well with the wind  which didn't exist a minute ago you walk towards her  eyes widening she's screaming  within her suddenly narrow throat  she smiles too, the day's getting better  then you nod at her  and walk past her  into the arms of another she donned pink and held your heart  in her tiny little hands oh the things you do

fight the feeling to be filled with rage  with the colour red  doors slamming dead of the night haunted by an  eerie presence walk a little closer  find yourself  looking into the mirror claws creeping up the ghastly sight  of what you stand for  finally evident  to the eyes staring at your image

something so deep and dark  i can't point my finger to what lingers  when you cross my mind i haven't had you up there or down here you hadn't been worthy of my thoughts  it had seemed like forever ago yet you still  plunge your way  into our lives you're like a bad dream the sour soup the dullest shade black, disappointment hope, we filled you  honey we tried  i tried to make you see so many feelings i can't tell what it is it's everything at once i hate you for it  i'm only 20 you ruined my life you messed us up you're a mess yourself  waltzing in  grin on your face  "look at my beautiful life" "they make me happier"  i couldn't ever see  a future with you in it now it's certain you confirmed it

pool of grief  what could've caused  emptiness, sorrow why did it hurt  crawling your way to safety another shot taken  and with it your spirit  one last time  you mutter under your breath please please don't disappoint  you beg  coming at you  like a tank at full speed he runs over  your very last film of love

a little spark in conductors connecting thru lights you up your space and spirit  tiny tweaks you never noticed till stolen  gushes of air  you've never felt alone on the spreads eerie silence falls you turn side to side peculiar buzzing in your ears like cancer it spread thoughts as dark as the room fills your mind, heart and soul   ears bleed as you try to close them shut nails pressing into skin you can't keep it out stop, stop this paralysing pain coming at me like a bullet train a lump in your throat you're about to scream the lights come back on there's wind in the air  you are once again light and alive "goodbye for now" you tell yourself

a promise two souls made one slightly hesitant the other blinded by "love" does "forever" exist or is it merely a facade masked by the fear to lose her dear starlit sky i ask of you shine some light on my self-indulged darkness he makes her smile but it cant be the reason for her to stay losing him was phantom pain but hurting him that'd be heartless

no longer the girl  who dulls down in your absence never will she ever  cry herself to sleep again no longer the one who looks out for you at every turn  at every trough  stop mouthing your name  each time she meets your friends  end the thought of you as soon as something reminds her of you  took her ages to get over  to be happy again  to tuck away her pain to smile ahead and move on  then you come prancing  into her life again breaking down those walls with a simple knock and OF COURSE she lets you in without a doubt  without a thought this time, she hoped  she built herself  to be someone she’s proud of   grew out of her old ways   into someone she knew you’d love  smiles exchanged hands held shoulders heavy  you let her in too  like the rain pours  on a bright sun shiny day you step out and realise ...